Three Rules for Mealtime with Picky Eaters
- No Complaints.
This is by far my favorite rule for mealtime. Complaints are not tolerated, ever. No one is allowed to say that the food looks gross, smells gross, or that they hate it. If it’s a negative comment it must be kept to yourself. (This goes for adults, too!) There are times when there is quite a bit of silence around our table, but that’s not such a bad thing.
Why it works: My kids have a lot of influence over one another. If my daughter says she tried green beans five years ago and hated it, my son automatically hates green beans. If no one gives a negative opinion of the food then less negative opinions are formed. It allows everyone to go into dinner with an open mind and more willingness to try something new.
- Eat it or don’t, it’s up to you.
This one is a bit controversial, but it works amazingly well for us. Some families have the One Bite Rule, some go by the Three Bite Rule, it’s not a one strategy fits all thing here. Our rule is more of a No Bites Necessary Rule. The reason it works so well for us is that it completely ended the dreaded power struggle we were constantly battling. Before I had this rule we found ourselves bargaining, begging, and shouting our way through dinners. No one looked forward to sitting down at the table. Forcing my kids to take a bite of something just wasn’t worth the stress it created. Once we stopped arguing about food, dinner became fun and relaxing again. I always put a little bit of everything from the dinner menu on their plates and they can decide what to do with it. Right away I noticed the kids started paying attention to the food on their plates instead of actively ignoring it. Then the magic happened – they began trying their food without so much as a word from me. Are there times when I throw away perfectly good food? You bet. But there are also times when one of my kids finds out they really like salad or asparagus. Trying new foods is no longer filled with pressure and anxiety, it’s something they actually enjoy doing now.
Why it works: Studies show time and again that a positive atmosphere during mealtime leads to greater food consumption in children, while negative vibes do just the opposite. Plus it can take over twenty exposures to a new food for a child to finally accept it. Forcing my kids to taste something they weren’t ready for was getting us nowhere. It certainly didn’t make them want to eat more of it the next time it was served. I made peace with the fact it was going to take time for them to warm up to new things and I was willing to wait it out. It’s paid off for us because just in the last few months I’ve added green beans, asparagus, broccoli, cauliflower, and salad to the list of things my kids choose to eat for dinner, plus there’s the bonus of no arguments.
- No snacks.
In our house this means no snacks allowed two hours before dinner and the kitchen closes after dinner. We eat dinner around 6:15 every night, so the kids get an after school snack between 3:30 and 4:00 then the next thing they eat is dinner. No one has collapsed from hunger yet. At dinner everyone is expected to eat a large enough portion to be comfortably full until bedtime. This took some getting used to but now it’s second nature to all of us. I try to remind my children that it’s okay to feel a little hungry, you don’t need to stop everything and have a snack at the very first sign of hunger.
Why it works: It’s soooo much easier to get kids to try something new when they’re actually hungry. Shutting down the snacks ensures everyone comes to the table ready to eat. Similarly, closing the kitchen after dinner means there’s no opportunity to come back for a snack as soon as the dishes are done. How many times does that happen in your house? I saw a Facebook post last week that said “I wish I was as brave as my 6 year old who sat through dinner without taking a bite then asked my wife for a snack three minutes later.” TRUTH. Cutting out snacks has been a huge help with my fussy eaters.
These are our daily rules that work for my family at mealtime. As I said before, each family is different and there are so many strategies that can be helpful. The important thing is that you decide on your own rules and be consistent. If all else fails you’re welcome to use my dinnertime motto: “You can’t eat your favourite food every day unless you make everything your favourite food.” My kids really hate when I say that. It’s such a Mom Thing to say, isn’t it?
Taken from Our Family Eats which I agree with on many levels. If you’re having problems with your family and getting your children to eat, join some Little Cooks Club classes or join me, Christine Phillips, for family health coaching.